The Secret Lives of Men by Christopher Blazina

Release date: 2008 / 347 pages

Synopsis (from back cover): “For centuries women have been trying to put into words what perplexes them most about men; however, the inner world of the male psyche continues to succeed in outwitting them. The Secret Lives of Men is the long-awaited antidote that unravels the mysteries that keep women from enjoying true connection and authentic relations with the men in their lives, whether they be husbands, partners, sons, fathers, or friends.”

First lines: “We are a rule-driven society.”

Review:  Similar to A Love Letter to Black People, I just couldn’t pass up a book with this title!  And I think this book would be very helpful to so many people — men and women.  The writer is first and foremost a teacher — and this comes through clearly.  His research is well-organized, his findings well-written, and he provides a helpful review of the main points at the end of each chapter.

Here is a snapshot of the topics Blazina covers:

• The Ten Commandments of Growing Up Male
• Man Emotions: More than Sex and Aggression
• Peter Pan Doesn’t Live Here Anymore
• The Father and Mother Wounds
• How to Offer Constructive Feedback to a Man

I found a number of sections interesting and helpful near the end of the book regarding empathy:

“Emotional grounding can be thought of as the adult stance, the one that enables you to understand multiple perspectives and gives you access to compassion, wisdom, and, when need be, a measure of firmness.”

“The opposite of attunement is empathically failing someone.  Empathetic failure entails being out-of-sync with another’s thoughts and feelings when it is vital that you understand their inner world and respond accordingly.”

Now, I have to admit that the passages that resonated with me most strongly actually had nothing to do with the primary man in my life, my husband.  I actually realized while reading this book that my husband really is comfortable with himself as a man — and did not fit into any of the various archetypes.  So, I really didn’t get a glimpse into a “secret life” of my husband… but I did rethink the way I approach all of the relationships in my life, and for that I am grateful!

However, I think many, many woman would enjoy this book — and would appreciate Blazina’s research and insights into the male gender.  So, if you think you would enjoy this — simply leave me a comment below!  Now, since I’m out of town for a few days, it will take me longer to choose a winner.  But expect a winner by January 2nd!

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