Photo by Gallebee

I apologize in advance for the rushed nature of this post!  We are heading to the cabin, but I wanted to follow up on an earlier post – February 1st is the deadline for my BIG DECISION (to teach or not to teach…)  

This has been difficult — the past six months on leave have allowed me to accomplish my goal of doing everything a little bit better, and when I recently read a post on Lifehack, about how fulfilled my life currently feels, I was able to answer “yes” to nearly every question.  

I love the freedom of my days as a blogger / book club kit designer — I actually work more hours most weeks than I did as a teacher, but the hours fly by because I feel so mentally and spiritually engaged.  And to assauge my fears that I wasn’t giving enough back to the community, I started reading textbooks for the Minnesota Center for the Blind and am loving this challenging experience as well. 

Sounds like my decision is obvious, doesn’t it?  Well, the problem is that I really do miss engaging with students and witnessing their “lightbulb” moments of learning and awakening.  I also miss adolescents’ quirky sense of humor and optimism.  There is also a part of me that feels apprehension about walking away from fifteen years experience and two degrees, too. 

So, needless to say, this has been a tough decision.  But before I reveal what I decided to do about next year, I thought I would list a few pointers that got me to my decision and that might help others in a similar predicament…

1. The Ubiquitous Pro / Con List — I attempted to write many of these lists to little avail.  Then I realized, not all pros and cons are equal…!  In other words, the ”pro” of the freedom of a flexible schedule outweighs the “pro” of using my degrees (in a traditional manner).  So, I needed to redo my lists…  a couple of times!

2. Respected advisors  — I had the great fortune of spending 12 days with family over the holidays and really appreciated the insight of my father-in-law, who taught social studies at a public high school in Milwaukee, as well as the advice of many family members who have known me my entire life and have never seen me so relaxed and happy.  

And a special thank you to my patient husband, who has perfected the art of listening and responding with, “I support whatever you think is best.”  Of course, everyone must ultimately make important decisions for ourselves, but there is great value in having individuals in our lives who we respect and can turn to in times of great decision.

3. Living with each decision — I tried spending an entire day with each decision.  So, Monday I would wake up and decide, “I will continue my leave” and then try to live with this decision all day.  Then, Tuesday I woke up and decided, “I will go back to teaching.”  (This looks like a good idea on paper, but I ended up going back and forth in my mind both days…).

4. The coin flip — My cousin Michael gave me a great perspective on this age-old decision-maker.  The trick is to really commit one side of the coin to one decision and then try to ”fake yourself out” so to speak.  Flip the coin, then gauge your emotional reaction to the outcome.  Disappointed by what turned up?  Then you know what your gut was hoping for…

5. Making the right decision vs. making the decision right – Thanks to Dr. Phil for this turn of phrase.  Once I had exhausted my decision-making patience, I realized that either decision could become the right one — and to not sweat it so much…

6. The head vs. the heart — which is more important?  Honestly, I have the great good fortune of a husband with health insurance and a solid income.  Without this safety net, I wouldn’t have the luxury of this decision.  Although my business is growing a bit each week, it takes a lot of kits to pay for my life, even my pared-down life.  I was lucky that my decision only involved my heart, since my head knew practical needs were met.

7. Not thinking about it– Recommended after attempting #3.  Try to NOT think about a decision for a day or two, just to clear the air and break the cycle of perseveration (or desperation).

8. Sleeping on it — a trick I learned in college…  when I had a tough paper to write and a thesis was not forthcoming, I would think about the topic before bed (sometimes even write it down) and then go to sleep and let my subconscious go to work.  Many times I awoke with a topic or a new perspective on whatever I was struggling with.  This time around, I usually woke with the fear of making the wrong the decision, frequently after dreams of teaching…

9. Imagining the future — One of my resolutions this year is to meditate for 5 minutes a day.  For the past few weeks, I meditated on a vision of what my life would be like depending on each choice (A variation of #3, but it worked better — the timeframe was easier!).

10. Compromise…  I ultimately decided to try to have the best of both worlds!  I told my (wise, compassionate, kind) principal that if there were a few sections available after everyone else secured their full-time positions, I would be interested in teaching again.  So, I may be teaching 1 to 3 sections a day, while still maintaining my blog and kits, or I may have a duplicate of the past wonderful year… 

As soon as the decision was made, a feeling of lightness and peace descended, indicating I was on the right track.

So, I guess this should be entitled “The Decision, part I“!  The registration numbers are determined in March and I’ll write an update at that point…

 Have a great weekend and thanks for reading!

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